Q: I have been listening to the teachings for maybe 2 years now and I am only just beginning to realise this consciousness. For me when I negate myself from thoughts, perceptions, feelings, identity, I feel a sudden wave of fear as I sense my ‘ I-ness’ disappearing. Only once have I managed to achieve being free from mind… on the other side of my fear and letting go. I’m now practicing reaching this state of consciousness without fear by dissolving myself. Just a question to see if I’m on the right path really: is it normal to be scared in that moment when I feel my I is fading?
Of course, the ego is a coward! But the thing is to recognise that this sense of ‘self’ or ego is merely an illusion – a substanceless, mind created delusion. So, when those fear thoughts or emotions arise, look into them carefully with wisdom. Look to see if they have any lasting solidity – can you hold this ego or sense of self? No – it merely appears and passes away. It only seems real and solid when we feed it without thoughts or attempt to push things away out of aversion or fear, or grasp things with attachment.
Once you recognise your true, unborn, uncreated State you can flow with life and allow all things in the phenomenal world to arise and cease as is their nature to do. Hope this helps to alleviate the phantom ‘fearer’.
However, this idea that you assert that “I’m now practicing reaching this state of consciousness without fear by dissolving myself” or “I managed to achieve being free from mind” are oxymorons. How can the ego dissolve itself? If there is a doer, or a sense that “I” am achieving all this and making it all happen, it is simply the ego playing tricks and perpetuating itself. We are on the wrong path then.
Egolessness is not ‘achieved’ by an ego. We have to see through these delusions and with wisdom they dissolve. It is wisdom that allows Truth to emerge, not a person or self. The ego must perish and die in the fire of your insight where it is finally revealed that it is a mere shadow puppet without any real substance to it.