Q: I am fearful that I am too much of a thinker to ever taste real freedom in this lifetime. I hate my thinking, it is all negative; in fact I don’t like myself. In your reading I get a taste of freedom every time. When will it last? Sometimes I know the One mind and feel free. Next day all is gone. Suffering starts again. What to do?
A: The thought that you ‘hate’ your thoughts is just another thought. What to do – indeed? Well, for one, you can and should investigate the nature of thought itself. Instead of going into battle with them or hating them, you need to outwit them! They are fraudsters, there is nothing to them in Reality, but we empower them and feed them, and they love that. A bit like a leech that grows fatter on our blood and if we try to force them off, they get stronger and fatter and attach themselves even more. So, we need to outsmart them and they will simply drop off if we don’t feed them. The other essential thing we all need is Patience. Big time! They will lessen and become less of an issue over time if we practice sincerely and correctly, but it does require the virtue of patience. I would recommend that you dedicate at least 30 minutes every day sitting quietly somewhere simply watching and noticing the machinations of thought (without getting sucked in to them). You need to learn more about their nature, process, origin and cessation – not their content and message though! There’s a big difference here. In your quiet time you can listen to meditations that might help guide you to stillness and insight as an aid to this understanding. This guided meditation that I compiled earlier this year addresses the nature of thought directly so you might find this one helpful too. Here’s the direct link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q22fwf1wD-Y&list=PLWzYrEdlV4O6Ehopg9JfOZeaAJaiuXE80&index=5&t=1907s&ab_channel=SamaneriJayasara
With all good wishes and simply keep going with courage and determination. We have been spinning around in the dark in samsara for thousands or millions of lifetimes. Now you have found the Light – what’s another birth or so before Liberation. Just don’t give up or give in, and keep it light – Grace will work it out. With all blessings.